FUNERALS

How to give a eulogy without crying

You might cry anyway, and the people in that room will understand. What you can work on is getting to the end, and most of that work happens in the days before the service.

An AI can help you get words on the page. It never met the person you're speaking about, and it won't be the one standing up. Below: what to do in the days before, in the minute before you speak and when your voice breaks. Then a template and five short eulogies, for a father, a mother, a grandmother, a friend and a brother.

In the days before

Print it big. Use 16-point type or larger, double-spaced, with page numbers. When your eyes blur, big type makes it easier to find your place. Bring it on paper. A phone can lock or light up with a message in the middle of a sentence.
Read it out loud, more than once. Stand up and read it at the pace you'll use on the day. Reading it silently won't show you where your voice catches. Out loud, the hard lines show up, and you can plan for each one.
Mark your pauses. Write a slash or the word "breathe" before each line that catches in your throat. A planned pause gives you a breath before the hard part, and a pause after a point looks deliberate.
Learn the first two sentences and the last one. The start is often the hardest part, so knowing the opening by heart gets you moving. The last line is where you'll want to look up.
Pick a backup reader. Give a printed copy to someone you trust and agree on a signal. If you can't go on, they come up and finish it. You may never need them, but knowing they're there can take some of the pressure off.
Ask how long you have and when you're on. The officiant or funeral director will know.

In the minute before you speak

Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, then out through your mouth for a count of six. Do a few rounds. A slow exhale may help you settle.
Put water and tissues where you'll stand, or ask someone to.
Walk up slowly. Set your pages down, and breathe out once before your first word.
Start slower than feels natural. A calm first sentence gives your breathing a pattern to follow.

If your voice breaks

Stop talking and let the wave pass.
Breathe out slowly, all the way.
Look down and find the next sentence on the page.
Take a sip of water if you need one.
Read the next sentence a little slower than the last.

The room will wait for you. You don't need to apologize. If you want to say something, "Give me a moment" is plenty. If you can't go on, look at your backup reader and say, "I'm going to ask Sam to finish this for me."

As for where to look, your page is always safe. So is a friend a few rows back. If looking at the family in the front row makes it harder, look just over their heads.

A eulogy template

Five parts. The examples below follow them. Fill in the blanks, then rewrite anything that doesn't sound like you.

Say who you are and how you knew them: "I'm ___, ___'s ___."
Tell one or two stories that show who they were: "The story that sums up ___ is the time ___."
Say what they were to the people around them: "If you needed ___, you called ___."
Say what you'll keep from them, or what you'll miss: "I still ___ the way she taught me."
Say goodbye, to them or for everyone: "Dad, thank you. We'll take it from here."

Spend most of your time on the stories. One true story says more about a person than a list of their good qualities.

Five short eulogy examples

The names and stories are made up, so take their shape and use your own memories. Each one runs under 250 words, about two minutes read slowly.

1. For a father

From a daughter. The same parts work from a son.

Good morning. I'm Emily, Tom's daughter. Thank you all for being here. Dad would have counted heads and worried there weren't enough chairs.

Dad fixed things: cars, fences, the neighbor's lawnmower and my bike more times than I can count. When I was sixteen, I backed his truck into our mailbox. He came outside, looked at the mailbox, looked at me and said, "Well, now we've got a Saturday project." We rebuilt it together. It's still standing.

That's how he handled most things. If you broke something, he handed you a hammer and showed you how to fix it.

Most of you have a story like that. He helped some of you move. He jump-started your car in a parking lot, or he stayed late to finish a job nobody would have checked.

I still hear him every time something breaks at my house. Measure twice. Ask for help before you strip the screw.

Dad, thank you for every Saturday project. We'll take it from here.

2. For a mother

From a son. The same parts work from a daughter.

Hi, everyone. I'm Daniel, Carol's son. Thank you for coming, and thank you to the nurses on the fourth floor, who looked after her like family these last few weeks.

Mom taught third grade for thirty-one years. At the grocery store, grown men would stop her to say, "Mrs. Harris, you taught me long division." She remembered every one of them, and usually where they sat.

At home, she ran the kitchen table like a classroom. Homework came first, then dinner, then one episode of whatever we wanted to watch.

When I lost my first job, I called her from the parking lot. She asked what I wanted to do next. Then she waited until I had an answer.

That's what she gave all of us. She waited for the answer, because she believed you'd get there. I still hear her ask that question whenever I get stuck.

Mom, thank you for every answer you waited for. Class dismissed.

3. For a grandmother

From a grandchild. The same parts work for a grandfather.

Hello, everyone. I'm Sophie, and Ruth was my grandma. She would want me to tell you she was also a great-grandma four times over, and that she has photos.

Grandma lived in the same yellow house for fifty-eight years. Every Sunday the whole family ate there, and every Sunday she made too much food. When we left, she sent us home with containers and a reminder to bring them back. I have three of them in my car right now.

She taught me to play cards when I was six. She never let me win. When I finally beat her at twelve, she shook my hand and said, "Now you've earned it."

She kept everyone's birthday on a calendar by the phone, and she called every one of us on the day. Last year she called me at seven in the morning to make sure she was first.

Her calendar is in my kitchen now. I'm going to keep making those calls.

Grandma, thank you for the Sundays. I'll bring the containers back.

4. For a friend

Hi. I'm Marcus. Jay and I met in our first week of college, when we were both lost looking for the same chemistry class. We found it twenty minutes late, and we've been showing up late together ever since.

When my dad was in the hospital, Jay drove four hours to sit with me in the waiting room. He stayed two days. He brought sandwiches and a stack of terrible magazines.

Jay was the friend who picked up the phone and called, even after everyone else switched to texting. If you hadn't heard from him in a while, he was probably on the phone with someone who needed him more.

He was late to almost everything, including his own wedding. When you needed him, he was early.

I'm going to miss his calls the most. If your phone rings this week and it's someone you haven't heard from in a while, pick up. He'd like that.

Goodbye, Jay. Thanks for showing up.

5. For a brother

From a younger brother. The same parts work for a sister.

Good afternoon. I'm Kevin, Mike's younger brother. Mom asked me to speak because I'm the one who talks too much. Mike would say she's right.

Mike was four years older, and he never let me forget it. He also never let anyone else give me a hard time. In middle school, a kid took my bike. Mike walked to that kid's house, knocked on the door and came home riding it, with the kid's mom waving from the porch. I never found out what he said.

He grew up to be the same person. He coached his daughters' softball teams for eleven years. He learned every kid's name and which ones needed a ride home.

The last time I saw him, we sat on his porch and argued about baseball for two hours. Neither of us won. I'd give anything for one more inning.

Mike, thanks for looking out for me. I'll keep an eye on the girls.

What to leave out

Old conflicts and family disputes, even ones that were settled.
Details of the illness or the death, unless the family has asked you to include them.
Inside jokes. If half the room would need the backstory, cut it.
A long list of names. Thank the family and the caregivers as groups, and name only a few people.
Too much about you. Tell stories about yourself only when they show who the person was, like the waiting room in example 4.

How long should a eulogy be?

Ask the officiant or the family how long you have, and how many others will speak. Then time yours out loud, at the slow pace you'll use on the day. If it runs long, cut a whole story instead of reading faster.

Rehearse your eulogy out loud in Charisma Lab

Charisma Lab is a speaking coach on your iPhone. To hear yourself before the day, open Voice Cam on the home screen and record the eulogy a paragraph at a time, with the camera or audio only. Each recording runs up to a minute. As you talk, it shows your volume, pitch and pauses, plus an estimate of your pace in words per minute. When you stop, it plays the recording back, so you can hear where you sped up.

To practice with a coach, open Speak, tap the center and tell the coach you're practicing a eulogy. Say it one paragraph at a time. A pause of about two seconds ends a take, so keep your marked pauses short while you rehearse. You hear each take played back, and then the coach tells you what to change on the next one.

On the morning of the service, the Warm-Up tab's Pick One list has Breath Reset, a minute of guided box breathing. Setup is free and includes a short live session with the coach. After that, the app needs Pro, which is $14.99 a month in the US. See pricing.

Get the app

FAQ

Is it okay to cry during a eulogy?

Yes. People expect tears at a funeral, and most of the room will be feeling the same thing. Stop, breathe out, find your place and keep reading.

What if I can't finish the eulogy?

Hand it to your backup reader. Give them a printed copy beforehand and agree on a signal. Saying "I'm going to ask Sam to finish this for me" is enough.

Should I memorize a eulogy?

No. Reading from the page is normal at a funeral, and the page holds your place when emotion hits. Learn the first two sentences and the last line, and read the rest.

How long should a eulogy be?

As long as the officiant or the family asks for. If nobody gives you a number, keep it short and time it out loud at a slow pace.

Can a eulogy be funny?

Yes, if the story sounds like the person. A funny story can give the room a moment to breathe. Skip jokes that would embarrass the family.

How do you start a eulogy?

Say who you are and how you knew the person, then go straight to a story. For more ways in, see how to start a speech.

How do you end a eulogy?

Say goodbye in one short line, to them or for everyone in the room. Then stop. Example 1 ends with "Dad, thank you for every Saturday project. We'll take it from here."

More practice guides

Updated November 3, 2026.